Superman, Kryptonite, and a whole lot of randomness... but finally an update!

Wow guys, just wow, how good of a blogger am I??? (Insert sarcastic tone there…)  

First off, I apologize profusely (hmmm is that a word? We'll go with it) because it has been waaay too long since I have posted anything.  I promise that is about to get better!  (ok ok, so maybe I shouldn’t make promises because I had good intentions when I started this thing, but I do promise I am at least going to try!)

Well let’s see…. Since that post was back before Thanksgiving… what can I update you on…

Hope you had a great time stuffing your face with Turkey, had a very Merry Christmas, Happy New Years-Welcome 2014!, hope you had a great romantic lovey dovey roses are red violets are blue Valentine’s day, an awesome Easter celebrating our risen Savior, celebration of Susan’s day of birth (that’s right people, major holiday), great memorial day cookout-remembering those that fought for our country, and now I think I’m back to the present…. (WOW! I have really got to do better folks…sorry again) But hey Welcome SUMMER! So glad to see you again!

Let’s see.... the updates into the life of Susan…

Well one big change…. As of mid March I quit my job. 

 I’m not sure what people think of that… but it came to the point where I finally had no choice.   I know some probably look at it as wishing they could stay home like that every day…  but to be honest while my ability to be able to is a huge blessing, it’s also a curse.   

  What went down....

  I was rocking on, enjoying my job as a counselor, loving my old folks at the nursing home, but then the company I was with made a big switch to computers instead of paper.  One would think… wow I’m sure that was a great thing, I bet it saved you time.   One could never be so wrong.   It was stressful oh so stressful.   We didn’t have internet at my facility so I ended up doing a lot of notes at home, along with working around other schedules,  along with a ton of last minute deadlines for things we weren’t told about until you guessed it, last minute.  I know it was just a rough transition, and that things would probably possibly get better.  If I was my same spunky, health, energetic self I was 3-4 years ago, I coulda handled it no problem.  I could have gone on, made it through, and finished my 3 months left of supervised hours to get my license, finally becoming a licensed professional counselor- the 3,500 hours I’ve been working for since graduation.  I was so close, yet so far away.  3 months to go and I just couldn't do it.  A normal person could’ve done it.  But unfortunately I’m not normal.   (So sorry guys, forgot to tell you I’m Superman… shhhh!!!   Ok… so maybe more like Superman with his kryptonite.  Yup that’s more like it).

See… also along this same time I started a new treatment for my Lyme Disease/RMSF.    Herbal treatment at that time just wasn’t really working.  I wasn’t “herxing” (a bad reaction you have when the lyme bacteria dies off and accumulates in your body) like I needed to.   Which meant the treatment wasn’t really doing what it needed to for me to get better.  SO we started a whole new program.  I started antibiotics.  Most think of antibiotics as those things you take when you have strep throat or a mysterious viral throat infection that they don’t need to give them for but usually do anyways “just to make sure.”   You take them for 3-5 days at most 10 and get over your bug.   Yeah… not so much with something like Lyme.   I took a high dose of Doxycycline and Levoquin for over a month.   After hitting day 3, I was in bed.   In bed guys… insert superman and kryptonite picture here.   Antibiotics with lyme cause major “herxing” that thing I mentioned earlier where it’s a toxic buildup of the bugs dying off.   Herxing does not feel good.  It feels like the flu, only worse.   Pretty much all my symptoms mentioned in the post before multiplied by oh let’s say 100.   “turn it up Oliver!”   That means the migrating painful arthritis, aches moving up my muscles- think really bad Charlie horse… making it hard to walk, dizziness, incredible fatigue.  The rashes I haven’t seen since all this started showed back up, along with memory problems.  I couldn’t remember the code to the alarm, or the day we got married, or recall anything quickly.  I had trouble thinking of words and names when someone would ask anything… It’s a scary feeling.  Thankfully the symptoms don’t last like that the entire month, or I’m pretty sure I’d be in a hospital, possibly one of those with the nice comfy pads on the walls.  They come and go.  I could have everything one day, be completely fine the next.   I could be fine for a week, but come Sunday be so dizzy and achy that I can’t stand up in church anymore and have to leave. (yeah, that happened on several occasions.  I know that has to be weird and confusing to people… because I look perfectly fine sometimes. 

But yeah… back to the job thing.   The above hit the same time the other stress hit… and it wasn’t long before my body and mind said no more.   No more staying up past midnight to finish things.  No more working my weekends.  I had to focus on my health and my body and getting well.   It came to a point where I couldn’t put my focus on both.   I had to have time to exercise, go to the sauna like I was supposed to 3 times a week to get rid of toxins, I had to have time to make meals for a special diet.  I came to the end of the road, and through lots of prayer of how we would make it on one pay-check (I still feel terrible for that burden), and thankfully through other blessings finishing paying off my student loans,  we decided it was best for me to take some time off. 

 

So how does that feel you ask?   It feels weird.   How does any of this feel?   While it’s a HUGE blessing from God that I’m able to stay home right now and work on feeling better, I still feel like I got derailed.   This was never the plan.  I’m in my 20’s I’m supposed to be at the peak of health.  I was supposed to be finishing my LPC by now.  I was supposed to be making a difference in the world doing what I love, helping people.  Supposed to be running my first marathon…  Supposed to be helping my husband with finances, so we can make our account more secure for the future, save for awesome trips, save for a down payment on a house.  Not being able to work deters all of that. 

Sometimes it gets frustrating.   Sometimes I want to cry and do…. But I know in all of this, I don’t have to worry about it.  My God has a plan and his understanding is so much greater than mine.   And you know what… on a daily basis I choose joy.  Through all of this God has given me the capability to really dig down and do that.  I just have to fully surrender to Him. I choose to be thankful for the blessings that God has bestowed on me… and I am so richly abundantly blessed.   Through the man I get to call my husband, to the parents that lovingly support me on this journey, to the friends I get to call on, to my amazing church I get to worship at on Sunday mornings and get reminded of what an amazing God we serve… I am Blessed. 

Our worship team at church is amazing… They also have a band called Sow and Tether with a new album Stripes speak out- which is also incredible.  It’s on Itunes and now also available on youtube so hit it up.  https://www.youtube.com/user/SowandTether

 But there’s some Hillsong lyrics in a song from Sunday that really spoke to my heart.  I am in awe of God.  For his rich blessings, for his complete understanding and direction of my path, for his salvation and laying down his life for me…

“So what can I say? What can I do? But offer this heart oh God Completely to you….   I’ll stand with arms high and heart abandoned in awe of the one that gave it all.  So I’ll stand, my soul Lord to you surrendered.  All I am is yours.”  

So that was my march.   I am currently on a break from the antibiotics, but will start them back pretty immediately.  Break is over L  I have so enjoyed this break.  After feeling so bad, it has been good to be able to feel like walking long distances again and be social…to have energy and feel like exercising.    This will be a different type of antibiotic so we shall see how this goes.   I am also on a super restrictive diet, when I received my list of food sensitivities, so that has been fun.  (more on that in a later post)   Also we went to England!! So watch out for that post as well!

What’s been happening with all of you??  Anyone else learning to choose Joy in the midst of a dark time?  Anyone else surrendering full understanding to God?